Believe what the interminable array of unsigned artists, would-be A&R men and high profile sponsors have to say about the MySpace phenomenon, and you'd be forgiven for believing their claims that MySpace, and the succession of copycat sites hoping to get some traffic as they hop aboard the unsigned slipstream, have levelled music for everyone. They've provided an even playing field so that some kid in his or her bedroom can gain as much exposure as whichever "new James Blunt" the labels are chucking our way. It's everything punk promised but never delivered.

Unfortunately this is largely bollocks because most unsigned music is utterly terrible (to be fair there is a strong hint to this conclusion in the term unsigned) and most MySpace punters quite rightly approve or deny new friend requests from bands based on utterly superficial - if completely valid - reasons such as haircuts, band names and song titles. The last thing to load on a MySpace page is the music, and by the time it connects you have already gone a long way to making your mind up about the band.

This effect creeps in slowly. In the early days of your MySpace life, when you are still adding your real-life friends and have yet to begin stalking your friends' more attractive friends (this period lasts for about four hours), a new friend request from a band can seem like an exciting prospect. It's everything that was missing from your teenage years: a band actually wanting to be your friend! Before you can say 'OMG THERE GOES THE FOURTH WALL!!!!!!!', the tables have turned and the music fan is in the position of power. Approve or deny? Yes, Justin Timberlake, you may be my friend. No, The Body Rockers, I do not "like the way you move", and you may therefore not be my mate.

And who are the unsigned acts who want to be your friend? You have only been on MySpace for two days and already 'Simon Hatch: folk singersongwriter' has tracked you down. He wants to be your friend. Approve or deny? The whole experience is so new that you click their picture to find out more. Once the pimped-out band page loads (this customisation tends to amount to somehow making the page completely un-navigable, along with the addition of interesting FLASHING GIF ANIMATIONS), it all looks a little suspect. They are called something deep 'n' meaningful like "Willpower Of The Night", The music description is pop/powerpop/rock, although the music actually sounds more like The Mission. Track two does not improve and track three - a b-side from their first EP - sounds like a foal in a bear-trap. You read their blog and look at their friends. This is not for you and is, in fact, terrible.

As I say, this only ever happens in the early stages of your MySpacing career. After a week, you begin approving anybody who will want to be your friend. Their profile could list interests as chess, birdwatching, paedophilia and you would never know because you'd clicked 'approve' underneath the words 'Cliff wants to be your friend'. But after two weeks, you become selective. This band has a crap name - you know they're goth/electronica - deny. That band clearly had their photo taken by the bins of their local leisure centre - deny. It is not long before the haircut rules supreme in your MySpace preferences.

So this should be regarded as an open letter to musicians on MySpace. Be creative with your 90x130 pixel image. No, it's not too small to look good - amazing Number One singles sound great as ringtones, and brilliant album artwork works brilliantly on a 5" CD sleeve. Buy yourself a new shirt for your photo shoot. Comb your hair or ask a good-barnetted friend for their advice. Think carefully about your band name and what your band name says about you. Then, perhaps, you might trick somebody onto your MySpace page when you attempt to add them as a friend. Your terrible, un-listenable music will be your undoing, of course, but at a time when idiot A&R types are still making their decisions on the volume of profile views, track plays and network lists, you need all the friends you can get.

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